Fresh Eyes to See

Almighty God, you alone can bring into order the unruly wills and affections of sinners: Grant your people grace to love what you command and desire what you promise; that, among the swift and varied changes of the world, our hearts may surely there be fixed where true joys are to be found; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and forever. Amen.
-Book of Common Prayer, from Elisabeth Elliot's Passion and Purity

This the cry of my heart. Grace to love what you command and desire what you promise. A fixed heart.

The Lord has been refreshing my heart with the promises of his identity on me. I see more and more often that it is good to grow to deeper places with the Lord, but to to continue to cling to those things that I think of as basic. Basic, but foundational.

His identity on me is foundational. It is through his eyes that I see him, see myself, and everything else.

This summer I was reading through the Gospel of John, focusing on the Jews and the Disciples. So many of them had these expectations of who God was going to send as the Messiah. They thought they knew! They had studied the Torah and had these oral traditions passed down through the generations. Everyone shared an understanding that the Messiah was going to be a conquering warrior who would save them from Rome.

And then Jesus came, and he was nothing like what they expected. He looked like any other man. "He had no beauty or majesty that would attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him" (Isaiah 53:2). And He wasn't about to overthrow the Roman Empire or be their warlord warrior.

If I were a Jew back then, there's a good chance I might have rejected Jesus because he didn't fit my paradigms of what I expected. If I just saw Jesus and heard about him, maybe I would dismiss him like they did.

But, here's what I love: The Jews thought they knew what Jesus should be like, but when they saw what he did, how he loved--when they saw his power, authority, and the work that he did among the people--there was no mistaking that he was the Christ, the Messiah.

Let this be the condition of my heart. Lord give me an open heart to receive all that you are. Let it not be said of me that I dismissed the plans of the Lord because I did not think it was in your nature.

Lord give me eyes to see. Give me ears to hear. Let me see what you are doing and not be blinded by my expectations. I give you my heart to unfold, fill me with a new revelation of what you have in store. Even though I think I know what to expect, sweep through my assumptions and help me perceive and understand. I have seen your love and power and all that you've done among us. Let my heart be transformed by the revelation and true realization of who you are.

Tortured for Christ, Obedience today

So I was just reading Tortured for Christ by Rev. Richard Wurmbrand. And all the evils of communism. Evangelism. The Underground Church. America. My role. Their role. National sins. It is a heavy load of things to consider.

And I was thinking about how I would like to go to Russia and Romania and similar countries, countries bound by communism and other governmental and systematic ideologies that war against the glory of God. And how it seems like it would be so much easier to be part of a desperate people, the underground church. In my mind it is easy. People are converted. People are desperate for Jesus. Wurmbrand said he has rarely met a lukewarm Christian in Romania.

And then I think about here. Katy. Waco. Some of the most affluent areas in the world. The largest Christian university. America. The West. It feels so much harder. (Of course it is absurd to compare my cushy life to his, considering the massive trauma and suffering he went through for the sake of Christ).

Operating in a culture of wealth, lukewarm complacency, and easy offense. It is the best place that feels like the worst. Here we have the most resources, programs, entertainment, books, everything. It’s all here, wrapped neatly in a freedom of religion that seems at the moment to strangle me.

I want to be bold for Christ. Talk about my love for Jesus. Walk out in a contagious way that shines brightly like a flashlight along a dark trail. I want to burst with Christ’s love and compassion. But so many times I feel stifled.

I think this is largely because I do not ask, and do not follow through in what I am given. Obedience has been impressed on my heart. I believe Christ is capable of so much. I believe God can do anything! Yet so often I hold all these treasures tightly to myself and never release them. I have belief, but no faith. Faith without works is dead. Belief is faith without action. I want to practice what I am learning—what I believe.

And moreover, I have been thinking about what it looks like to do ministry in the U.S. If Richard Wurmbrand can do ministry in a communist prison while enduring unspeakable torture, all in joy and faithfulness, then the obstacles we face here can also be overcome. But what does that look like?

It has to be adapted somehow, for sure. But if you can reach some one whose heart is hardened by brainwashing and hatred, surely there must be a way to speak love into my generation and my people. This is something I’m going to have to think more about. I’m sure there are lots of experts who have the answers to all these questions. I’m interested to see what my role is, here and other places. How can I be obedient, today?

Captain America

Since I've lived in Katy, I've always wanted to go to the Alamo Drafthouse. Dinner and a movie AT THE SAME TIME. Woohoo, what could be more fun?

Tonight my brother Daniel and I went to see Captain America. Pretty good movie. I didn't know it was any kind of war movie--Actually I had didn't know anything about it except that it's about a super hero. So that said, I really enjoyed it. Thank you mailbox coupons for giving us the motivation to go. They even gave us free dinner because they couldn't find the ticket...